Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
