I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize