i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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