When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
