I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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