Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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