watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
