That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
