I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
