Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
