Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
