You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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