evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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