your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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