I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize