Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
