I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
