At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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