I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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