Sponge bath it is.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
