i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
