I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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