I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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