There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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