Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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