so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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