Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
