Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
