Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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