youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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