Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
