This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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