You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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