just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
