Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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