i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
