eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
