Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
