I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
