I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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