We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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