Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
