Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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