Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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