So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
