you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
