She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Randomize
