it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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