I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
