And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
