Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
