I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
