Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
