I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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