he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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