he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
