This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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