why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
