Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
