He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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