i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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